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• Don’t worry. God is always on time.
• She loves me or not but I love her a lot. :P
• Girls are like parking spaces, all the good ones are already taken.
• If my love for you is a crime, I want to be the most wanted criminal.
• “I’m on a whiskey diet…I’ve lost three days already.” – Tommy Cooper
• “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis
• “Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.” – Mitch Hedberg
• When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always!
• “There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life.” – Doug Stanhope
• I’m not short, I am just concentrated awesome!
• ‘It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
• What do girls want? EVERYTHING!!!
• Money can’t buy LOVE but can buy WOMAN to make LOVE
• “I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” – Sam Kinison
• “I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it’s hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.” – Larry David
• You can stay in my heart without paying single penny.
• Laziness Is The Mother Of All Bad Habits But Ultimately She Is A Mother And We Should Respect Her.
• Sorry… I’m not Rihanna. I don’t love the way you lie.
• Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones, try a different one each day ;)
• I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos. :D
• HEY YOU, yeah I’m talking to you, why the hell are you reading my status?
• You can never really say what’s on your mind, when your family is on Facebook ;)
• Loneliness is better than bad company.
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