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A woman's mind is
cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.
Do not take life too
seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Always remember that
you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
If you haven't got
anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
No man has a good
enough memory to be a successful liar.
If this is coffee,
please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
A day without sunshine
is like, you know, night.
Go to Heaven for the
climate, Hell for the company.
Too much agreement
kills a chat.
Roses are red, violets
are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
I love deadlines. I
like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Get your facts first,
then you can distort them as you please.
I believe that if life
gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find
somebody whose
life has given them vodka, and have a party.
We are all here on
earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.
Wine is constant proof
that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Lead us not into
temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.
The chief function of
the body is to carry the brain around.
As a child my family's
menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
A word to the wise is
infuriating.
I don't deserve this
award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
It's amazing that the
amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the
newspaper.
By all means let's be
open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
Never put a sock in a
toaster.
Happiness is having a
large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Cure for an obsession:
get another one.
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